i took a ride and threw up.
blah, today.
only thing i was really happy about was that
1 morning was super cold.
2 i could actually run 10 rounds consistently during PT. (yay:])
3 i actually listened during MT. (thanks to chuyi esp for writing the stuff down! :D)
but other than that.
suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.
-from lavelle's blog.
it's just that some speculate it more than others, till it seems so big.
they never last, they'll always die out sooner or later.
but it is our mindset that makes it seem forever.
today, i went to some blogs, read their posts.
there are lots of people going through the same things.
having similar thoughts, hurts, ect.
it seems like there's a pandemic flying around.
no one can see it, but it can be felt.
it can be understood, it can be healt.
but if untreated, it can eat people from their insides.
their innermost beings, the ones we cant physically see.
there are sick people out there who want to cure others like them.
but how can they really help them when they cant help themselves?
earlier today.
when she came over.
i dont know why.
but i hated her.
her and others who stole you.
stole, that's what the voices said.
they said, they're thieves, going around stealing your medicine.
i knew they were lies, ridiculous lies.
but i still heard and listened.
it was stupid of me to, and i shouldn't.
but they bugged on and on.
of course, all they said was untrue.
why would they want to 'steal' you just to ruin me?
they just needed someone like you.
i have been selfish, i have been paranoid.
melodramatic, eaten, wallowed.
drained of all that i thought i had believed in.
my faith has been confused.
there is so much i want to convince myself of, yet my brain questions.
what is black? what is white?
about earlier today.
after school.
sorry if you thought wrong.
well, maybe you thought right, but still.
sorry for replying that way.
sorry for ever bothering you.
sorry for having ever told you my problems.
sorry for burdening you.
sorry you ruining your life with my ruined one.
sorry.